Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
