goodnight i made you a song goodbye
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
