i think my tv is drunk
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
