it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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