I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
