she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
