But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
