peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
