Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
