i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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