He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
