Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
