Ketchup is God's man juice
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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