sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
