Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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