Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
