hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
