The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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