I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
