While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
