so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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