After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
