Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
