It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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