Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
