i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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