This dress was meant to end up on your floor
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
