I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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