so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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