the condom got lost in my hair
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
