May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
