I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize