I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
