You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
