You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
