i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
