i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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