Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
