I wish my penis had an off switch
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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