I met the friendliest cop last night
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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