I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
