I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
of course. lets lasso hookers.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
