we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
