there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
