Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The struggles of a small town man whore
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
