I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
