You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
