You're completely useless in the revolution.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
