tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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