Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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