Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
