you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
