she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
