my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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