i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
