Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
