"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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