I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
two words...techno handjob
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
