had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
