Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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