when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I look better un-naked...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
