He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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