high people should be assigned attendants
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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