ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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