just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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